It was a bit of exaggerating but it was entirely true.
Yesterday, my family and I (hold on, this sounded so much like a school essay lol)
went to the Tips of Borneo. It was 3 hours away from Kota Kinabalu.
Sabah has no North-South highway unlike in the West Malaysia,
so the roads were all bumpy and it almost felt like a roller coaster ride.
When we reached there, I was excited to see the northern-most tip of Borneo,
where two big oceans meet, South China Sea and Sulu Sea.
On our way there, it was raining. As we reached there, the weather was perfect.
We had to get down the cliff, which was
very steep, almost a 90 degree cliff and was a bit slippery too.
It was on the first day of Ramadhan and the temperature was 40degreeC.
Yeap, it was very hot.
Everything was fine.
We took pictures, enjoyed the view.
It was nearly 4pm, so we decided to go to the nearest beach,
since we already brought our swimming suits.
So we needed to hike up the cliff to go back to our car.
I was the last to hike, because I wanted to take pictures of the rest of my family hiking.
But as I wanted to hike up,
I felt so weak.
I always feel my heart beating, but yesterday,
it was beating weakly.
I just couldn't hike anymore.
My dad pulled me up, I forced myself to continue hiking because
it would definitely be a trouble if I didn't.
I reached the top.
Everything was black.
I couldn't see.
My knees were shaking.
I was panic,
I rubbed my eyes, forcing them to see,
it was all blurry.
My heart was crying, but at the same I was happy.
I felt the ending was so near to me,
I felt it by heart.
I was sad to leave behind everyone I love,
but I was happy to leave when everyone I love was around me.
I was happy to leave because it's Ramadhan.
My dad didn't stop reciting Quran verses to me,
he removed my shoes, my socks.
He asked me to continue selawat.
I did so.
I recited every possible ayat that I could think of,
and but at one point, I felt scared.
Is my taubah enough, is my amal enough to leave this world?
Will my sins hold me back from entering Jannah?
I was scared,
I strengthened my heart,
I told myself,
I have to be strong.
My dad carried me back to the car,
it was a hilly walk,
he struggled,
who wont?
He had to carry a 37-kg girl up the hill,
when his weight was only 59kg.
I told him to stop whenever he wanted,
because I didn't want to burden him
but he insisted to continue carrying me.
We stopped at a gazebo up the hill
and I told him I could walk,
but I was wrong because everything was still so blurry.
I could see everyone's face now,
I wanted to cry so badly but if I did,
I would make them more worried,
so I didn't.
I lied down, cause I couldn't stand anymore.
I had to break my fast,
I drank water
and I didn't feel better.
I needed my toilet break,
I felt so nausea.
We rushed back and stopped by at Kudat small town.
My parents bought some kuihs and biscuits for me,
I did vomit thrice along our way home.
My first day of fasting went wrong, but I'm glad it happened
when I had my strongest support system around.
Life is short,
the end is near.
In this month of forgiveness,
I'm here to repent.
I'm sorry for all my mistake,
I too, forgive everyone that has intentionally/unintentionally hurt me.
I'm thankful for my family,
I won't trade eternity and the world for them :)
Thank you mama, ayah <3
Love you too bits.
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