And all the fairytales make me think

All the fairytales make me think

do fairytales actually exist?

The books I read,

make me think of the possibility of those crises

that happened, 

would they ever turn to be something I could cherish later?

Will time heal everything?

Reading the books, imagining myself to be the character portrayed,

it's not right.

I didn't feel right,

in a sense that

I never loved someone as much as the character would do.

I have always been the opposite.

I would be the one who didn't show much affection,

I would be the one who didn't appreciate enough.

I would be the one who didn't love enough.

Maybe I just suck at expressing my feeling?

I could write, yes.

I could write a damn good, heart-touching card

expressing what I feel,

but in front of the person I love,

I'm acting cold.

Or maybe I am not?

I don't know how to show my affection 

other than to always want to be around that person all the time.

Because I would feel safe, loved and at home.

I feel comfortable.

Even though there's no conversation happening.

Just be there at the moment.

I don't know how to show my appreciation,

but I know for sure I never miss a day without planning 

what I want to do when we're together.

I don't know how to show my love,

but I know for sure all the little things that always remind me of the people I love.

I'm known for my behavior that sometimes

I would isolate myself from people,

I'd rather be alone in my own world.

I'm known for my behavior of pushing people I love away,

just because I want them to pull me back.

I'm known for always not feeling good about myself.

I always thought I'm a failure to my past self, the younger me.

I feel like I haven't achieved much enough,

I haven't been the person I wanted to be before.

But most of the time,

I'm feeling like a failure because people always put me first.

I know that's what everyone wants,

that's what I always want.

I want my loved ones to put me first,

just like how I would prioritize them.

But today,

because of that selfish want,

I feel like I'm a failure,

I haven't been supportive enough,

I haven't been the person I wanted to be,

by not being there, cherishing people I love,

pushing them to achieve their dreams.

I feel like I'm pulling them one step backward.

They had to miss one checklist of their days

because of me,

And that's all because they love me.

And I never appreciate that,

I did, but I didn't show that.

I know I don't deserve all the attention and all the loves. 

I don't deserve all the gifts.

But Aliah, at least you should have gratitude!

Gratitude.

Be thankful.

Be thankful for the unconditional loves you receive.

Be thankful for the people who put you first before anyone else.

Put your emotion aside.

Put your ego aside.

Put your 'I don't know what I want' aside.

Appreciate the moment,

be in the moment,

love the people
who sincerely love you and never ask for anything in return,
but your love.

Be thankful, Aliah.

Be thankful.