I'm feeling pH7

Have you ever felt so neutral about something?

You don't like it or hate it.

I like that neutral feeling.

It makes me feel so professional, very professional.

I don't care at all about making friends,

keeping friends because adulting makes me realize that 

1. I can choose to make friends or have more contacts,

just talk to them when I need them.

2. I don't care about keeping friends or be that friend who stays

because eventually I already know whom to keep and whom should I stay with.

3. I don't feel offended when I'm not invited to go out some friends even though we used to be close, 

I've passed that phase that I care too much about what others will say and think about me.

No hard feelings.

4. New friends can be better friends. A long friendship is indeed very valuable, but it won't necessarily stay forever. Long friendship too shall pass. Meanwhile, I should always open doors for a new friendship, and maybe I will meet better people out there.

5. Those who laugh with you may be the persons who laugh at you when you're crying.

It hurts, doesn't it? But it's life, my darling.

You can never know what people feel and think

because they can be different persons on the inside, be careful.

Pan told me I'm lucky,

to have best friends.

I told him,

yes, I can be lucky.

I'm poor because I don't have many friends.

But I'm rich enough to have true friends

 (you really can count the number with just 5 fingers)

Padmaavat - The Underlying Messages (Padmaavat Movie Review)

If you're not a 'deep' kind of person,

you might think this movie doesn't make sense,

but I will enlighten you with my opinion, 

so keep reading this!

If you haven't read the tale

that inspired this movie,

you might wanna read this first:

Wikipedia : Padmavat

While the storyline isn't as exactly as what's told in the past,

Sanjay Leela Bhansali clearly had taken this movie 

to another level.

I might not like the ending of the movie

because it had too much of blood, sacrifices, deaths, and sorrows

but when I really think about the lessons behind the movie,

it gives me more than just tears.

Here are lessons I learned.

1. Coincidence can be a beauty.

You may think something happens because it's just a coincidence,

but one thing always leads to another,

you will connect the dots and in the end,

nothing is just a coincidence in life, you will somehow figure out the reasons behind it.

2. Mind your language, because people may use your words as weapons against you.

Literally.

I learned that when people are in a position of power,

they use it for their own benefit

and little did they know that sometimes their words seem to be a little too harsh,

they make others feel belittled and people might hold grudge against them and

we all know having a grudge is never good.

3. Power hunger causes the loss of humanity since ever.

Wars happen because people want to show off their power,

they wanna be more and more wealthy,

they want to control the world, 

and they just love taking control of things and other people.

Another problem is that these people tend to be more and more greedy

and the things that they want to own could never last forever,

yet they're still willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to stay in power.

4. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholders.

There's a part of the movie when someone was blaming Queen Padmavati

because her beauty had caused chaos to the country,

and she should be punished for it.

Was it her fault for being born to be beautiful?

I couldn't think of anything better to relate this to, 

other than relating this to the raping/sexual harassment issues.

The society always blame the victims,

they even blame them more than they would blame the perpetrators.

#metoo campaigns need to go wild on social media,

and when more people stand up for these issues,

then only some parts of the society could realize that

perpetrators should be blamed and not the victims.

But for most of the part, their mentality remains the same,

victims are always the ones to be blamed.

Like in this movie,

the Queen is not at fault for being born beautiful.

It's the villain King, who started all the wars, just to 

'enjoy' the Queen's beauty as if she's an object that

he could trade like he traded diamonds for pearls.

Women are in fact more valuable than diamonds and pearls. 

We have seen so many cases in the world where women are being objectified

and Queen Padmavati made a crystal clear point that a woman shouldn't 

give up her beauty and dignity so easily, just because of a powerful man's threats.

"Chittor will witness another war, one that is unseen and unheard of. 

We women will have to lead it from the very front. 

And that war shall be the biggest defeat of Alauddin's life."

-Padmaavat, 2018

5. True love means you would protect each other even if it means sacrificing your life.

There're so many things that can go wrong in a war,

obviously, there's always more than 50% chances of death

but you gotta do what you gotta do to protect your loved ones, right?

This movie shows the difference between love and lust.

Love is not blind, but lust is.

When you love, you will protect, you will care and the happiness of people you love

values more than your happiness.

But lust leads you to selfishness.

Lust consumes you, but love nourishes you.

6. You might hold still to your principle, but others won't always play by your rule.

Although I agree that we should hold on to our life principles,

 I still think that there should be a disclaimer to that,

a small *term&conditions applied font should be floating somewhere in your life principle.

Sticking to your life principle is definitely a good thing,

but at time of dangers, you should be a little bit wiser.

Overall, it's a 4.5/5 movie

and I recommend you to watch them

and really understand the underlying messages behind the movie!

You'll appreciate this piece of art, for sure!

xx,

I have crush on kpop celebrities too!

I don't really watch k-drama or know much about k-pop

but I sure know some of the songs and can dance to some of them.

You know, k-pop have so many boy groups

and there'll be at least one guy that would pique my interest, okay?

Disclaimer: I only like these guys solely based on the music video/tv show. I have no idea about their lives after that lol

Today,

after completing my 17-page-long assignment,

I kinda wanna rewatch all the videos that caused me having crushes on these people

once upon a time.

The very first k-pop song that I listened to

is

Mirotic by TVXQ 

and this song is evergreen to me!

The beat and everything ahhh it brings back my 14-year-old memories for real!

So I used to have celebrity crush on 

one of the members which I happened to forget the name, lol.

But I did my research again as I was writing this,

so his name is Changmin.

That's the only detail I know about him.

You should watch/rewatch the MV! He's the cutest one who's always at the back lol.

The next boy group that's so famous during my high school days

is Super Junior

and I have no idea how many members are there in the group

but I had (still have) my eyes on Kyuhyun after the song Bonamana was released.

This boy really has a good voice and he knows how to dance.

K-pop dance though but it's interesting to imagine him dancing to Bollywood song hahahah

Isn't he so good looking?

The next guy, he's different. He's from a band group,

so he doesn't dance, too bad. But his voice is sooo good ok?

He's yong hwa from CN Blue!!

Okay I knew him from the show We Got Married and I started to listen to his band songs after that haha! The withdrawal effect is so real, man!

Yong~~~

And last but never the least...

Another guy that I'm about to mention,

he's different.

I thought the crush would last for maximum for a month, 

but no it seems to last forever HELP.

He's in a boy group, 

although he doesn't sing (well), 

he surely has big potential in dancing

(once he finds the right coach). 

The name of the boy group is Cagers. Have you heard of it? 

The group isn't as famous but they have few boys in the group,

they basically play basketball HAHAHAH

He's in the jersey no.9 and okay just look at this photo:

Isn't he looking so hot cool?

Oppa!!!

Based on your observation,

let me know what are their similarities?

(Think for a while)

Answer :

The eyes and the freaking HAIR!!!

Okay, gotta admit that I always find this kind of hairstyle so attractive..........

*melting*

Eh, I didn't tell you the name of the Cagers 9 boy, did I?

Okay la, that's Pan.

Later!

I'm that little daisy

I'm the little daisy

and these are my petals

when the sun comes up and the rain comes down

I grow, grow, grow from the ground.

And if you don't like me,

as I do you,

I understand.

Because who would really choose
a daisy, in a field of roses.
Only I would.

xx,

a little mix of everything.

I took a break and I like it!

Early in January, I decided to take a break from social media

because I spent most of my time scrolling the discover pages (on Instagram) 

and it's all about happy people and some gossips 

and some silly viral videos

and I thought that my idea of perfect life has changed.

I became too concentrated on portraying my life to 

what I thought the world wanted to see.

I thought that living the social media world,

following the latest trend looked so cool,

but I realized it had been nothing but a toxic in my life.

I started off by deleting my Instagram app

and tbh it felt weird. Because that app would be the first thing I would check

as I woke up when indeed the first thing I should do is

to be thankful for being given another chance to live, right?

I asked myself,

why did I bother posting my photos on Instagram and updating my stories,

whom did I want to impress?

I convinced myself that I wanted to impress myself and it's for my memories.

Oh really?

Well, that's not entirely true.

There's a side of me that would still check on who would reply to my story etc

and if I posted something that I thought was cool and no one replied anything to me,

I kinda wondered oh that maybe my definition of cool wasn't cool enough.

Social media has certainly set a standard for my way of living,

I would post pictures, pose like what I always see in the media.

Maybe not all people would do that, but I did.

I started liking pastel colors and white because of

all the flatlay accounts that I followed on Instagram.

I have a vision of how my pictures should look like when traveling

because of the traveling account that I followed.

I didn't say they're bad influencers,

 I just felt that at one point in life,

these social media influencers they give so many influences

to me that I kinda wonder what is the true version of me.

Where's the originality and the authenticity here?

It's scary how trends and medias shape the society these days.

Ok to be fair, it doesn't only have to be about social media,

even the series that I'm watching does influence my life;

cause I wanna wear all the outfits that Rachel Green wore in friends lol.

Oh, it's just so scary.

When I was a child,

my parents would tell me to find the right friends

because you could end up being like your friends,

which I totally agree

and now I have to tell myself and my kids

that 

not only we have to find the right friends,

we also need to find the right media to read/listen/believe in,

we also need to carefully choose the series that we wanna watch,

or the celebrities that we want to have a crush on,

and the most important thing is we have to know our ground rules,

set our own standard on our life principle and know that our values

shouldn't be shaken easily just because of the trends.

So,

I deleted my Instagram app,

I did log in to my Instagram once awhile on the web

because I gotta to admit that Vivy Yusof's stories are too fun to be missed

but the fact that I don't spend time scrolling the home page and discover page anymore

makes me proud of myself, yeay!

And because of that, I manage to blog frequently now!

Did you notice that? Hehe

ps, this is solely my opinion on how social media affects my life. I don't want my opinion to shape other's opinion and in fact, I'm kinda scared to press the publish button now, but I guess I'll just do it.

Okay just did.

My dear 15 readers,

I just knew that I can know the number of blog post viewings,

and I would say that I'm impressed to know on the average, 

each post will get 15 views.

15? OMG.

I thought the only person that would read my post is Pan,

he doesn't check my posts on a daily basis,

he only checks it if I asked him to lol.

But okay this is kinda nerve-wracking.

Because another 14 people are reading

and I don't know what they think of my posts.

Dear 15 loyal readers,

feel free to let me know what you think about my post okay?

I kinda wanna know.

xx

I love my mum so much!

I hardly tell this to my mum,

but I think today I would want to write about it, because

my mum might end up reading my blog and she will know that I always feel this about her.

I can spend hours talking to my mum about the most random stuff ever,

there's no secret between me and my mum

but before I told her big big secrets, 

I had to warn her not to tell my dad about them.

Because my mum and my dad, they're BFF that

they share everything together!!

So my mum technically has two best friends, my dad and I.

Every week,

I will make sure I have allocated at least 1 night that I can spend just

talking to my mum, I will free up my schedule

because the minimum time I need to talk to her is 2 hours.

I can joke around with my mum 

and make fun of her double chin

and always ask her to start exercising when I'm not.

I swear my mum only exercises when I'm around at home.

During summer,

I would be my mum's co-driver,

to everywhere she goes,

I can't let her going to places alone

because if anything happens to her on her way,

I will blame myself.

I could spend thousands of dollars to make my mum happy,

but she never asked me for money

but handbags, which could be the same thing.

We would fangirl about Fazura all day long

and she thinks Fazura + Vivy = me.

Which I think I get the gedik and ngada part of them, nothing more.

I still remember,

when I was a kid,

I always prayed (still pray) that Allah will give my parents

a long, healthy life and I hope I will never ever see them gone.

I told my mum that if I didn't get married,

I would want to stay with her forever!

I can be that girl,

whom the neighbors would bitch about,

because no one wants to marry her and needs to stay with her parents till she's 50.

But my mum told me,

she always prays for my jodoh to come at the right time,

with the right person.

My mum is an ego person,

she won't say sorry to people if she's right,

she will not try to pujuk you if you merajuk

but you have to pujuk her when she does

#mydadissopenyabar

#prayformyfuturehusbandtoo

#igotitfrommymama

My mum is an introvert,

she opens up to a person she trusts.

She used to be dancer and a model

before she worked at a bank.

Now, she's a happy housewife.

She has a slight OCD haha

she wants everything to be clean

but she doesn't annoy people.

She's a very city girl,

the first country abroad that she visited was the UK,

then she fell in love with cities and anything nature-like holiday

is not her options lol.

I hope one day

I can take her to her dream place!

She loves Disneyland so much,

she can't get over our trip to Disneyland in 2010,

so I guess I need to take her to the Paris one soon!

She's an indoor person,

that's so me too.

She could dance very well,

zumba is the way she exercises.

Not jogging.

*cough* me too *cough*

She cares about beauty so much

and the way she looks,

she has to wear something proper,

the right outfit for the right event,

which I don't get that lol,

my sister does.

She doesn't like cooking as much as I do,

but she's a great cook!

She always leaves the baking stuff to me,

because she hates it but she's a sweet tooth.

The way my mum behaves

always makes my dad want to pamper her a lot.

Oh did I mention,

my mum cries a lot.

Like a lot.

A lot.

Even my arwah atok would mention that even when she's already a mother of four.

#guesswhogetsthegene

#melol

She gets sick easily,

and I'm worried every time she's.

I can detect her sickness

and her sadness through her eyes,

because her eyes never lie.

I would sneak into her room

when I can't sleep and she'll read the quran for me till I fell asleep.

When my dad's away,

I would sleep with my mum.

Sleeping with mum is the best!

She still wants me to be a doctor,

because she thinks I will be a great one,

I might consider going to a med school

after I graduate from engineering school,

pray for me.

My mum has expectation on me,

but she's not as pushy as my dad,

which I like

because I admit that sometimes,

I need an extra push for me to achieve more things,

also sometimes I need a more understanding person

that will tell me,

it's okay, you've done your best.

When I watch movies and they complain about their moms,

I got so confused and wondered what are the things that I could complain about her,

I guess none.

She's not a perfect person,

but she sure is a perfect mom for me.

She may not be a successful entrepreneur,

but she's the reason behind all my successful stories 

that I will achieve one day, insyaAllah.

I love you, mama.

Thank you for Allah for the lending me the best mom in the world!

Isn't she so cute? The little Aliah :P

The Power of Shopping

Have you felt so depressed about the long week

and you just need to go to shopping mall and do window shopping

but you ended up buying things you think you might need but you really don't need them

but you still buy them anywhere and holding those shopping bags make you feel so happy

like you finally do something fun for the week?

You feel like all the waits are worthwhile,

you feel like you have the money, you're actually not broke

and you have self-value because you could buy your own handbags

and nice shoes and new leather jackets

and you feel like you're someone new when you wear them;

have you ever felt that?

Well,

I've been longing to feel that!

But 2018 is all about saving the money because the big day will be in less than 600 days

(according to my calendar *cough*)

and I have more things I need to do before I graduate and while 

I'm still a single woman.

So I have to leave all those Rachel Green and Blair Waldorf's feelings aside

because, ugh priorities.

So what I did today,

was almost similar to what I dreamed of.

I bought 9 packets of kinder bueno

and I already ate 2 of them,

I bet I could finish them all in less than 5 days

and buying kinder bueno today,

had made me so happy!

It's so easy to satisfy myself, right?

Yes, it's easy for me to satisfy myself when

I know the digits of my bank account.

Heh.

My weekend is not boring anymore!!!

I should've listened to my sister

since day 1, lol.

 I didn't know why I didn't spend my 18 days of Christmas break doing this,

and now during my second weekend of the semester,

I got myself hooked watching

*drumrolls*

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Okay the show ended 14 years ago,

and I just watched them this weekend.

I'm so lame!

But considering how I'm not a series person,

not a movie person,

and I really don't know how I usually spend my weekend with..

those time in the world just got wasted...

I managed to finish 5 seasons of FRIENDS in 3 days!

I'm proud of this achievement!

If only this is valuable for my CV, lol.

I should stop till now and continue the rest during reading week,

since I'm not going anywhere hehe.

On a side note,

I'm so so so so so so excited for June!!!

June, please come faster!!!!!

To more June adventures!!!

xx

My phone is so haram!

During the same event,

where I witnessed the revert moment,

there's a guy approaching my friends and me, he wanted to borrow our phone to record 

the Sheikh when he's answering people's questions.

Saima lent her phone to him,

I didn't.

After he left,

I said, "I'm sorry I didn't lend him the phone because my phone is so haram!"

Little did I notice,

the Sheikh's wife was there, she overheard my words and she laughed.

Everyone near me was laughing at me,

I turned so red, I was so embarrassed cause I left such a bad impression hahaha!

When I said my phone is haram, it's because of my lock screen wallpaper hahahah nothing else!

So I was avoiding that lady the whole time!

So before the revert moment,

the Sheikh was so busy so we had to wait for him for about 1 hour and

at the 45th minute of waiting,

I told Saima,

"this Shaikh really needs to work on his timing"

Saima and some other people laughed so much!

Because.....

The wife is close to where we're waiting but I don't think she could hear me,

but there's a small chance she will.

She's gonna kill me, man!

Ok, so during the revert moment,

we had to form a circle and recite the 3 Quls together etc and 

we had to hold hands with the person next to us.

Guess who's next to me?

The Sheikh's wife!

Yes! 

She's the lady who heard me saying my phone is so haram.

She's the wife of the Sheikh.

She's the lady that ended up being next to me,

holding my hand and reciting the 3 Quls together.

Before I left, burying my head in the snow,

she quickly asked me,

"what your name?"

"Aliah"

"Oh Aliah, nice to meet you! We'll see each other again insyaAllah"

"InsyaAllah"

Okay, where's the exit?

I'm done embarrassing myself.

First time witnessing a 'revert' moment

 This evening I attended an interfaith talk between the three Abrahamic religions on how each religion deals with suffering and hardship. I realized that despite the differences in the three beliefs, the ways each religion approaches problems and challenges in life are pretty much the same

and even the speakers were admitting that. 

But people tend to ask questions to prove that these three religions are so different but they failed.

What surprise me was the speaker who represented the Christian tradition during the talk, 

he used to be a Muslim and his name is Abdul.

He was a Muslim, and now he's a proud Christian.

And someone asked him question on his spiritual journey and why did he convert

and his answer was he's someone who strongly believes in logic and the more he searches for the truth, he believes more in the Christian tradition.

I reserve my comment

because I'm not in his shoe, and things happen for reasons and may he be guided one day.

At the same event, 

I witnessed a friend of a friend saying her Shahada, 

subhanaAllah.

Her name is Stania.

She told us the story, the moment she started seeking for the truth and she started by reading the Quran and she believes. She believes in Allah and Prophet as the Messenger.

When she said the Shahada, 

people were in tears, I was in tears,

it gave me goosebumps, I feel the energy,

that feeling was indescribable. 

SubhanaAllah,

Allah can turn a non-believer into a believer,

and a believer into a non-believer, if He wills.

I questioned myself,

will my iman be strong enough to withstand all the challenges in this modern, liberal world?

I don't know.

I can never say anything about it.

But I can certainly work on improving myself and my faith.

I pray to Allah,

may He protect me from the evils in me, from evils of this world,

may Allah protect my iman and give me the strength to stay true to my belief and the path of the righteous.

InshaAllah.

Three sad dreams in one night!

I had trouble sleeping last night but when I managed to finally close my eyes and dream about something, I dreamed of sad dreams. Those dreams caused me crying in the middle of the night.

The first dream was,

I met my late grandfather, Arwah Atok. He told me, he was just visiting me for a while. He reminded me to recite Al-Fatihah for him, every time I think of him.

I woke up, crying.

The second dream was,

I saw my paternal grandfather, who's now in the hospital because of his cancer, but in the dream, I saw him in a mosque. I was searching for him, from one mosque to another. I don't know what place is that, but it had so many beautiful mosques. I saw him from afar, and then he disappeared.

I woke up, crying, again.

The second dream was,

I met a girl, who's probably 12-years-old, she's Indian revert and she told me that because of Islam, she became more at ease. She's working as a sweeper, but she's happy with her life. The reason why she's a revert is because a Muslim lady always gives her sister and her food. They lost their parents, no family, no relative wanted to take care of them, so they're homeless now. The place she's working, is her new 'home'.

I woke up, crying.

I wish one day, I will have enough money to open an orphanage to support those kids who need, who deserve all the love in this world, the education. 

I'm so sad. I just can't stop crying this morning.

Help.

Everything works!

I'm writing this down because I want my future self to remember that

Allah really listens to my prayer.

So, the story is, yesterday I was so confused whether I should be taking 5 courses or 4 courses this semester, taking 5 courses means I will have to take maximum credit hour = 18 credit hours and I know it's a crazy thing to do, but I will never finish on time if I didn't, or else in the next academic year I will still have to take 18 credits, which is very unfortunate.

But the 5th course that I registered for is really not important to my career, Power Engineering.

So, I feel like it's kinda a waste of time and energy taking something that would be useless just to graduate on time.

So I prayed so hard last night so God will show me the way.

Because what I think is bad for me, might be good for me,

only He knows.

This morning, I woke up feeling inclined to dropping the 5th course,

I just don't feel right about it, but I wasn't sure, was this truly a sign from God.

Then a friend, who should be taking one of the tutorials with me told me that she had to drop the Power course, thus it allowed me to register for a different tutorial session that makes my schedule might simpler and free of conflicts and I will finish early on Friday!!!!

It's definitely a win-win situation for me,

it's indeed a blessing

and thank God for guiding me!

23 Acts of Kindness on my 23rd Birthday

I posted on igstory last month,

about me turning 23 and I wanted to do something extra!

There're so many suggestions but I chose to do

23 Acts of Kindness on my 23rd Birthday

!!!

I took me a week to complete them all,

 from Monday, Jan 8 till Sunday, 14.

((My actual birth date is Jan 12)

The 23 Acts of Kindness that I did on my 23rd birthday were

1. Smile at strangers
2. Open doors for strangers - The girl that I opened the door for was really surprised and happy when I did that to her as if no one ever opened the door for her. I'm so glad to know how a small act of kindness can change someone's day :) 
3.  Say "have a good day" to strangers - So, I said "have a good day" to her!
4. Greet salam to Muslim sister/brother
5. Say "I love you" to my loved ones
6. Say "take care" after saying goodbye to friends at school
7. Buy chocolate for friends - I gave chocolates to Iqa, a Malaysian who studied in France but came to Montreal for vacation and she stayed at our apartment for a few days, so before she left, I gave her notes and chocolates
8. Make dua for strangers - Not really a stranger, but a Muslim sister, who was found dead when she went missing for few days. I guess everyone knows her story. May Allah bless her innocent soul. #PrayforZainab
9. Send someone a postcard - I sent postcard to #fattzura omg yes fangirling is a thing lol
10. Give someone a hug - Always give my girl friends hug!
11. Write a list of things I love about someone - Well, actually I listed 23 things I love about that someone just because of it's my 23rd birthday haha~
12. Give someone a book that you think they'd like - I gave Reclaim Your Heart book by Yasmin Mogahed to Reem because I know she needs it and she will love it!
13. Make someone a playlist - I also dedicated a playlist with 23 songs to that someone, just because haha
14. Give someone a compliment - I compliment a lot of people this week with sincerity ok?
15. Compliment people on Instagram randomly - I went through my discover page, and I picked a picture that did pique my interest the most and wrote my compliment in the comment section
16. Leave a positive note for someone - I wrote better days are coming and leave it at random mailbox
17. Say thank you to the Profs - It's kinda my habit to say thank you to Prof every time I leave the class; if he's not busy entertaining other people
18. Send an encouraging email - It's an annual thing, I would send an email to Vivy Yusof and tell her how she inspires me so much, even though I have never gotten a reply back but I know she's reading them!
19. Be kind to animal - I went to my friend's place just to visit her cat and yes, I didn't bully the cat, in fact, he's starting to love me lol
20. Share study note - I will always send whatever study notes I have to my friends and my class group because sharing is caring!
21. Give a generous tip - I gave 20% tip when I ate at this one restaurant during my pre-birthday dinner, that's very generous ok?
22. Unplug outlets when I leave the house - I need to keep doing this!
23. Reply to a post I enjoy - Definitely on Vivy Yusof's blog post, duhh

By doing these acts of kindness, I realize that kind acts are very simple and easy to do, 

sometimes we do them subconsciously. 

But what's important is to keep doing good, because by doing kind things, we eventually spread happiness on this Earth! 

Keep doing good things, you will see good things are coming!

First post as a 23-year-old woman...say what?

I hide my birth date on Facebook, so not many people remember my birthday haha

As a 23-year-old woman, I realized that birthday is no longer about receiving wishes from 

hundreds of people that you barely speak to throughout the year, it's about receiving extra attention from people you love and care.

I can literally count the number of people who wish me today but I don't get offended when people don't remember it because I also tend to forget; it's not that I don't care, it's just that I have so many things on my plate. But I realize the meaning of priority as I grow older.

Pan was always the first to wish, he would do anything to be the first, he's very competitive in becoming the first to wish me every year since 2013 and I told him not to feel worried about losing because he's definitely gonna win anyways. 

(He's the first to wish me for both Malaysian and Canadian time)

He sent me early birthday gift too!

Check out my Instagram post for the story behind these gifts!

Then, my parents wished me and they felt bad for not giving me presents,

but hey, they're the reason I was born into the world, what gift were they talking about.

They're the greatest gifts I've ever had!

My roomies, Nawwar and Elisa, they surprised me with gifts too!

The vintage necklace and bookstore gift card OMG I cried!

Then my whole family started to wish me,

then my wonderful friends!

I finished class at 930am today, can you imagine?

So I went home, on my birthday to have a nap hahaha because I was so sleepy!

Then around 3pm, I received a call from an unknown number telling me to go downstairs cause I had a delivery for me!

It's a bouquet of daisies! Yes, I'm not a rose-kind of girl! 

I love love daisies

and it's from Mimi, cries!

She was talking to me before pretending like it wasn't my birthday because she didn't wish me anything, then she surprised me with flowers, that ego kid really knew how to act well.

When Edda, Aida, Azura, Farahain, Brena wished me, 

I was so touched cause I realized how they truly care about me and 

appreciate me as their best friends and 

I feel so bad cause I always forgot to wish them on time, 

cause I got mixed up with the timing etc. Oh man, I miss them so much!

Nabil, Sofia, Iman, Thusha and Ramsha were the McGill friends who wished me too and

Nabil as usual, he would be so confused, when's my real birthday because I celebrate my birthday for two days, every year! Because of the time difference!

I also spent time with Asma, Nusaiba and Reem today 

and we had pizza and we just chilled at Asma's and watched Friends, 

nothing fancy but I love it!

To be honest, I really do not expect this kind of attention and surprises and treatment that I received on my birthday because I thought birthday just dies out when you're older,

but I feel so loved by everyone!

I'm so lucky to have them in my life.

Dad would always ask me this every year on my birthday,

"what's your wish?"

I wish for happiness and Allah's blessing for me, my family and my friends :)

Love,

Aliah

Last day as a 22-year-old woman, OMG

Turning 18 was the best moment in life,

18 was the pinnacle of my life,

everything changed when I was 18!

My future plan, my destiny, my fate!

Turning 21 was a big thing to me!

I gotta travel to places I wanted alone,

I tried new things and 21 was a remarkable year.

Then, 22 had its own hype because of the Taylor Swift's song haha!

But turning 23 tomorrow...

There's nothing significant about 23, so I have to create one!

The 22-year-old me had grown up to be a better version of me,

I hoped I could be a better daughter, a better friend, a better believer;

I think I did my part well.

I got a better academic result, I have a better skin condition,

my financial planning is better, I cook my own meal on weekly basis but I still managed to eat out with friends. I cried a lot, definitely but I feel like I'm more independent now.

I start to appreciate little things in life,

I treasure moments more than material things,

I feel more content and I'm blessed to have wonderful people around me.

22 has been a great year with lots of interesting memories that I surely won't forget.

 Thank you for being part of my life!

Turning 23 tomorrow and throughout this week,

I'm actually on a mission of doing 23 random act of kindness.

Will share you more about it, tomorrow!

I wish I knew this earlier....

When they said, you need good networking,

you really gotta believe in that!

Good networking is the key!

Throughout my second year in university till now, 

I make a lot of friends, when I say a lot, I mean it!

A lot. And I don't hang out with them all the time,

but they're like bros! They help me with any trouble in my study!

In my first year,

I was struggling, cause I didn't have good networking.

Good networking helps you to get through the university,

not just google.

From the past year exams to the solutions that you need in your desperate times!

It's not cheating,

because during exams I still have to study and sit for the exam on my own.

But that's what they call as study smart.

If you're alone in the class, do not take it unless you know your support system.

Or else, make new friends! 

Help them whenever they need you, and 9/10 people will definitely help you back!

All my dad's wise words now make sense haha!

I'm the source of all homework solutions among my friends,

it doesn't make me any better than them

but at least I feel more confident to go through the semester!

He's in deep pain, he couldn't take it

I feel like writing today because I feel empty when I don't.

When they say you can pray in any form of actions, I am a strong believer that writing is another form of praying. I pray as I write, my writing is my prayer.

TokAbah is again hospitalized, he lost so much red blood cells because of cancer, he barely eats, he refuses to take his medicine and we all know he's a stubborn guy, but he told us that he gives up in life.

He just doesn't want to live anymore, because he's in deep pain and he couldn't handle it.

I'm sad, he's not the person I know, he used to be a strong man, but I guess it's really painful that he just couldn't handle it this time. But tokabah, isn't taking medicine will heal the pain a bit? He cried when I told him that. 

He barely wanted to talk to me, I tried several times talking to him, he just refused to, he pretended to be asleep and most of the time, he told me he's tired. When he decided to talk to me, he didn't wanna talk for long, because he would end up crying. 

It hurts him when people feel sorry for his disease, but I've read articles, it's normal for people who have cancer to feel that way, but I have no words to tell him. I wanna let him know that that it's okay, tokabah, I still love you and I'm here for you.

I try being strong, I don't cry when I facetime my family, not anymore.

I only show the happy side of me, deep in my heart, I'm in deep pain too.

And now I couldn't stop my tears, they just keep flowing like Niagara Falls.

I told my mum yesterday,

I believe in God's miracle, I believe in Him, 

but if tokabah is in deep pain, I don't want him to suffer.

If Allah wants tokabah to return to Him, 

I won't be sad. I want him to be at peace, at ease.

Who was I kidding? Myself.

Of course, I will be sad, I will cry the whole night.

Before tokabah left the airport when he sent me off to KLIA last September, 

he held my hand strongly as if he didn't wanna let it go.

I told him many times, I will see him again when I come back, I will. 

He has to promise me that he'll be there to see me graduate.

He just smiled and he told me God knows well.

A few months later, he's diagnosed with cancer and he's devastated by this disease.

Cancer doesn't only hurt him physically, but it eats his soul too.

Oh Allah, please reduce his pain.

It hurts when the person you love is not the person you used to know before, 

but it doesn't make you love them any lesser.

I will definitely remember all his stories that he used to tell me when he picked me up from school, from my internship. I will remember his bits of advice.

He always told me to help people in need.

He doesn't mind having zero balance in his account, as long as he could help anyone in need.

He granted all his grandchildren's wishes.

I was being spoiled when I stayed at my grandparents' place,

I just told him I wanted to eat this, and that and he would immediately take me to those places.

He's the go-to person in his neighborhood and everyone in town would know him by his name,

he's a strong figure, he's a great leader. Even though he could be very fierce,

oh well getting a B is a no-no in his life policy, but he showed his love and affection in different ways.

I love talking to old folks, their wisdom and life lessons could be my life guidance. 

They made mistakes in their life, thus they tell us stories, so we won't repeat their mistakes.

Their ways of thinking can be a bit old-school but we're wise enough to apply those lessons according to what's relevant to the current world.

I hope tokabah is given strength to face this pain.

Get well soon, tokabah.

I miss you.