I want to be a model


In my last post, I was mentioning about my skincare routine and not wearing makeup etc. 
But this post is definitely gonna make contradict myself.

I. Want. To. Be. A. Model

I want to be a model because.... okay I don't have reasons for wanting to be one. Actually, I do. I just enjoy posing in front of the camera. I like being dramatic, I like nice clothes, I like beautiful scenery. Okay, let me just list down why I feel like I can be a model.
I repeat, a model, not necessarily a good one :P and not as a full-time model obviously haha


1. I can act like a diva, in front of the camera, but not in real life (hopefully no one labels me as diva)

2. I look better in the picture than in real life (I'm serious!)
If you saw my picture first, then meet me in person, you'll be like 100% shocked like OMG she looks different in real life. (Bad kind of different)
I think the right word here is photogenic.

3. I know how to make faces

4. I like being dramatic but I know I would be a terrible actress. I'll be labeled as the new kayu if I decided to be an actress haha! (inside jokes)

5. I can be a model for the petite section because I'm too old to be featured in the kid's section.

6. I can work under the sun, by the beach, on top of mountain, anywhere but I shall keep it halal sisterssss

7. I'm not too shy to pose in public
I mean, I don't care what people say :P

8. I usually have good chemistry with photographers, mostly my candid pictures are not bad!
Except when my eyes are half closed lol.


On top of all reasons why I think I can be a model, 
I have reasons why I can't be a model too!
Just gotta do the reality check!



-1. I don't have the height to be a model. I'm super short! Like so short!

-2. I'm wearing hijab so my job scope would be very limited haha but it's not a bad thing in Malaysia as there's a lot of new models now and they're hijabist(a)s!

-3. But I'm not a hijabista haha! I'm not a hipster kind of girl, that would wear some cool attire, no. I mean I can try... but most of the time I will make people hate me!

-4. I can't wear foundation! Refer the previous post! I mean, can they just use photoshop....

-5. I'm okay with modeling but I don't want people to know me. I would love it if I can be a model on a billboard (cehhhh so much berangan!), but can I remain anonymous. So people won't judge me whenever I'm outside of the modeling site. Because I wear a terrible outfit on most days

-7. As much as I think I'm photogenic, I don't think I have the proper facial structure lol even one would argue that the 'proper' is debatable.

-8. You can be a model is people are impressed by just looking at you passport photo, like Tyra Banks. But...unfortunately, my passport photo is a joke on me....



So, if anyone would still think I can pursue my childhood dream and would want to hire me, 
I will certainly say yes!
I don't want a high wage, just enough for one dUCK scarf per session :P




After 6 months without foundation


Most of my blog readers know what happened to my skin in 2015. I had severe breakouts, there were so many red pimples and scars on my cheeks. I got embarrassed. I changed my skincare products from A to Z,  ranging from the drugstore products to the high-end products. I spent hundreds of dollars just to make my face acceptable by the society. I would try home remedy masks, you name it, I've tried all of the techniques that have ever existed. 

Okay, some products worked but some just made things worse. 

2016, I would travel with my makeup bag. I have primer, concealer, foundation, makeup setting spray, bronzer, everything! I would watch videos on makeup tutorial how to cover acne scars etc. I spent my money and time just to look socially acceptable.

2017, things changed. In early 2017, I didn't put on heavy makeup anymore. I put on BB-cream sometimes but I didn't use concealer, that's for sure. Then, I met Sara Riad. An Egyptian girl who has a flawless face, beautiful eyes and so I asked her for her beauty tips. Okay, to be honest, most of my friends, they have flawless faces masyaAllah! Most of my friends here are Arabs and Pakistanis. So I would do my beauty research, but all of the tips sum up to this: simplicity.

The lesser the products you put on your face,
the better.

So Sara shared with me that she never dares to put on the foundation on her face because her skin is not suitable for it. She would just put on mascara and lipstick and she's done. But if she wants to be a bit fancier, she would have her eye makeup on.

As for skincare routine, it's better to just use 3 products on the face; cleanser, toner, and moisturizer.

You've seen my BodyShop skincare routine right?
I used 10 products per day but my skin doesn't show any drastic move.

So, after listening to all her beauty tips, I planned on experiencing it myself.


I'm only using three products in my skincare routine.

1. Cleansing my face with Dr. Belmeur foam cleanser by the Face Shop

2. I'm using this alcohol-free and fragrance-free toner from the Body Show


3. I moisturize my face with the clarifying moisturizer also from the Face Shop 

This is my skincare routine for every morning and night. 

As for makeup routine, I will only put on mascara and lipstick on daily basis but during certain occasions like Eid or weddings, I would put on full eye makeup.

I swear I haven't touched any foundation or bb cream for 6 months now.


My point is, it's not that face is getting so much better. I still have scars, they're visible. People ask me about my scars and recommend me to use certain products. They're being very helpful and I never feel offended. 

But the period of 6 months without putting on foundation has made me accept myself more.
I accept my acne scars as part of me, I feel more confident to talk to people even when they're starring on my cheeks. Having acne scars seems like a weakness in the beginning but hey, nobody is perfect!

But all I know is I shouldn't let my weakness to weaken my strengths, right?

So, as for now, I just focus on my eyes because I could admit it that my eyes are my strength. 
So now, people are starring my eyes more than looking at my cheeks.

I'm sharing some of my shameless selfies to prove everything I've said.
#nofilter


On a special occasion, hence the red lipstick.

On my way to La Ronde theme park!

Going-to-class look


You got to do what makes you happy!
I'm so happy with my skin now, it's not the best skin you would imagine but
as long as I'm happy about it, I don't care about others' opinions :)

Gotta share with you three lipsticks that I love and my one and only all time favorite mascara!

I would put on these two lipsticks on daily basis.
MAC lipstick, shade: TAUPE

Estee Lauder, shade: DARLING

On special events, I'll be wearing

Revlon Matte, shade: REALLY RED

and MY FAVOURITE MASCARA!!

THIS WORKS WONDERS!



Rude police officer




Did I tell you about the rude airport police officer story? I bet, I haven't. I had my internship and YTN re-orientation camp in Peninsular Malaysia, and now that my family is living in Borneo; Kota Kinabalu, Sabah to be specific, so I had to fly back and forth during summer. After the orientation camp, I had a weekend to spend with my cousins and Pan, and on that Monday, I had my flight to KK. I had two luggages with me, one was for the internship clothes (cause I stayed at tokmak and tokabah's place), another luggage was my food stock (tokabah belanja me all of that for my stay in Canada hehe #favouritegranddaughter) and I had a traveling backpack, which was for my camping clothes. I wanted to check-in all three of them, well technically I could but I went overweight. It was 36kg, but I could only check-in 30kg luggages. So I thought, oh yeah I could just bring the backpack as my carry-on luggage and I had another bag (handbag), I would be fine. While at the counter, there's story of people cutting queues due to the system down at Enrich counters etc, but overall it's fine. Until at the local departure gate. God! I wish I recorded that moment.

A woman airport police officer didn't let me go in the departure gate because I had the backpack. She said regardless, I needed to check-in it. I told her about, well the woman at the counter told me that this could be my carry-on luggage because it weighed less than 7kg and it followed all the criteria and she made the stoned face, and she said in a very rude way, that I just had to leave my bag somewhere then. I swear she was talking very loud, and rude that everyone near there was starring at me. Pan could see her reaction from afar too! I don't like people shouting at me, what more in public?! I just couldn't stand it, my eyes went red, I could feel the heat in my eyes, I turned back, walked to Pan, crying! She was so rude! And her reasons for not letting me go was ridiculous, she didn't even have reasons for that. How could someone be so rude.... I still don't get it....

So since I had to go in without my bag, I had to leave it to Pan and my dad would come to KL in the next few days, and Pan would have to pass the bag to my dad. It's such a hustle that I had to burden Pan and my dad. I honestly didn't mind, not taking my bag on the plane, like it's not a big deal. It's just the way she talked and I wish I knew her name so I could file a complaint. I was so embarrassed cause she was shouting at me, and everyone was starring. I was being freaking polite to her, and the sad part was she's a government officer, she should at least be nice to the locals. And oh God, she's a woman, I thought woman should be respecting each other -.-

Oh but there's a man that witnessing this thing, and he tried making conversation with me as we passed through the immigration check point, and he's nice. I could see that he was pretty observant about his surrounding. Anyway, Pan told me that we should always learn something from someone, regardless of who she/he is. I guess I learn that we should treat everyone with respect regardless of his/her social status, how he/she looks. We should just respect everyone. When that thing happened, I thought maybe I looked so ugly or I looked like a lost kid who didn't belong to this world and she could be that rude to me. But when I think about it again now, maybe she thought that she's too good that she could talk to common people like me as if we (I) didn't have any value in her eyes or it's just the way she is that no one ever speaks politely to her, so she never knows what polite means.


It happened long time ago, but I just felt like complaining about it now, lol.


She who was born today, 22 years ago



We're in the same orientation group when we first entered SSP but I didn't recall that moment as much as the day I complimented her long, straight hair. She had (still has) really nice hair and I was like girlll you're born with that?! We weren't in the same class when we're in Form 1, but on Fridays, after lunch, she would just come to my dorm to chill cause she's in basketball team but Fridays would be the training session for the seniors, none of the juniors would involve. I remember that she lost her Tissot watch, and that was a vintage watch, for God's sake! I bet she had trouble at home, justifying herself, haha! 

In form 2, we're in the same class. She was Ummu's deskmate and I was Edda's deskmate and four of us were (still are) really close! In KH class, Mimi always went to the toilet, I'm pretty sure she didn't notice that, but the teacher did, and she was warned for that. 

We weren't in the same class when we're in Form 3, but we were in the same dance team;
for teacher's day and the school carnival. For the school carnival dance, we went to Jalan Kenanga to buy the costumes together, they're so cheap and that was the first time I went to her house.
She has a sister, who's 3 years older than us, so when we're in Form 3, her sister was already out of school and she would come and visit her but the best part was, I still got KFC Zinger burger as a treat hehe!

Form 4 was a very busy year! We were both in the school teams, I was in debating team and she was in the basketball team and in the middle of the year, I went to Singapore for summit and in July, I went to Seoul, South Korea for a debate championship. We didn't get to talk a lot cause of the business but another important event in my life that had caused silent moment between us.

I was elected as one of the candidates to be the headgirl and she knew based on history, headgirl usually went solo. I was different cause I had (still have) a #highschoolbabes, kinda like a gang. And we're not rule breakers but we're not the nerd gang who lived by the rules either. But becoming a headgirl might change our friendship etc. I wasn't aware of me being elected, and I didn't exactly know why I was elected too though haha so it had been a rough end of the year for me, because I wasn't in the ready state of mind.

But everything went well after the appointment ceremony, I needed to recite the pledge bla bla
and she was appointed as the house captain, so we both had to work together a lot.

Thus, things changed afterwards. We shared problems and became each other's shoulder to cry. I couldn't thank her enough for switching off my room light every night when I was asleep because the room was pretty haha scary and I was afraid of sleeping in the dark. And at times when I was sick, she would make me porridge but she's terrible at feeding people though haha but at least she tried her best :P She would just study at my room and leave after I was asleep because I was that timid. 

We had academic struggles due to our business but everything turned out well, we both received scholarship and got to study abroad. She just finished her study in New Zealand, I am still here in Canada. We didn't get to study in the US together but hey, we love where we're now! We would video call on skype just to study or eat sometimes and we would talk on random things and also, on really important things.

I went to visit her last year in New Zealand, but I didn't plan to have road trips, I just wanted to stay in Auckland because she wasn't in her right state of mind. I just wanted to be there. Long story short, I was the first to know about stuff, it was on late November (or December) and since then, I'd decided to go to New Zealand by that summer, to get things right. Well, some things weren't meant to be fixed, she had to go through a lot of things but may God bless her pure heart, she still drove me and my cousin to Rotorua and some other places in the Northern Island of New Zealand during our visit.

She doesn't show her appreciation much, so do I. We hardly take pictures together because the friendship is more than just a picture. I could write all night long about her, but I bet this is long enough. The fact that she spent time to write a caption which was longer than three lines truly touched my heart. Because little that everyone knows, she lowers her ego as she ages haha!



We don't talk on daily basis, I hardly meet her these days, based on social media level, we seem to not be as close as the AVA (proudduck readers should know this) but she has a special place in life too (refer her post, I'm just copy pasting :P).

Of all the fights, silent moments, late night talks and failures in showing our appreciations,
I really hope the friendship lasts #tilljannah because you're really the kindest person I've met, you're the keeper and I just need to settle down in KL so you can come to my house any time you want.

Happy birthday, Eagle. 
I wish I can be there to celebrate the special day with you but we're 5000 miles away, 
so yeah. I wish you all the happiness in the world and you don't need Mr Right to be loved, you have your amazing dad, cool mom and wonderful siblings, me and all of #guyas to love you right!
One day, when your Prince Charming comes, #guyas will have to give him hard time first, we will protect you more this time hehe!

Have a great year ahead, happy graduating and most importantly,
my post is longer than you instagram post heh!






Before I took off! #laterpost


Unlike last year and last two year, I would be back in Montreal for school in August. I would have a week plus to get ready, mentally and physically. But this year, Eid Adha came earlier and school had not started just yet by that time, so mom asked me to stay longer, so I did. My flight back to Montreal from KL was on the 3rd of Sept and it was at 2.00am. 2 freaking a.m in the morning and you guys knew that my family moved to Kota Kinabalu so technically my family would send me off at the KKIA only! But I'm a lucky girl, the most favourite granddaughter and niece, so the whole extended family sent me off at KLIA! They brought me laksa and rendang for me to eat. My flight from KK was on the 2nd of Sept in the morning, so as I reached, Pan picked me up and we went to Botanical Garden in Putrajaya cause we had 4 hours to spare before my extended family came. We just went to the popular spot of the garden ie the Moroccan Garden and I freaking love it! It made me (and us) wanting to go to Morocco. Not for honeymoon for sure, but for some random holidays! And Pan became a cooperative #instagramboyfriend and he would comment on my tudung and outfit and suggest me the appropriate poses and I would tell him the angles that I wanted.  Some parts of the garden were under renovation but we enjoyed our visit, cause we gotta explore the place all by ourselves cause who would go to the garden at 1.30pm when the sun was directly above our heads. It was so hot but hot weather is nothing when you're walking with the cold cool stuff (read: Pan).





After 30 minutes there, we decided to go to the KLIA Mosque near Mitsui Outlet cause my family would be meeting us there but it turned out they just made a move from Malacca so we had approximately another two hours to spare. So, we went to Alamanda Mall, the place where I spent 5 years at during my boarding school outings It was good to reminisce back those outing times but I didn't have that high school memory there with him because we started to hangout after high school. But we went to Alamanda once when we're in our prep school, we went to Chakri Palace to eat cause that's one of my favourite restaurants! But this time, we ate something not so heavy vause laksa and rendang were waiting. We just had roti john! I love the roti john so much it was so good and very filling! Highly recommended! It was at the food court.

After eating, we decided to make a move but I forgot that I prepared him a letter. It's like a tradition that we would do before any special occasion. So this time, I wrote him a 2-page-letter because I might not see him for two years #sooooosad and I passed him our journal etc and I demanded for my letter. Then he was making this face as if he didn't have the letter and I cried immediately! How could he forget the small thing?! He panicked and handed the letter to me. He was so good at making me cry #literally 

His letter was all about to-do-list. What I needed to do as soon as I reached Montreal and where I hided my money lol. He would be good PA, for sure! The letter was not as touching as before but maybe I was used to this and I didn't wanna cry even more, so we're all good.

Oppps, we're late! We had to make a move now, so I wazed the mosque. We're 10 minutes away from the  place and guess what? I wazed the wrong place!!!!!!!!!!! OMG! I am not a good co-driver, trust me! I wazed Mitsui then only we could get to the right place. We're just 15 minutes late, which was pretty early for Malaysians, ey? Heheh. My baby cousins became my best distractions, I loveee loveee babies and kids and thanks to them, I didn't cry when saying goodbyes. Oh my tok mak did cry just because I'm her favourite and while I'm away, she doesn't have anyone to tell stories to hehe. No worry, tokmak, I'll be back and will be all ears :P 

Since every family who came has babiesss, everyone needed to be home by 11pm, and Qatar Airways counter just opened at 11pm, for me to check-in. I said goodbye and hugged and kissed everyone and ran to the counter to check-in and I was the third person in line #wohooo but hey! I was not all alone, Pan was with me, he received the amanah from my tokabah to stay with me till I got into the departure gate, so I guess he had no choice :P I checked-in, bought bread as dinner, talked a bit and made my way to the international gate, waved Pan goodbye and didn't cry #achievement





I guess for this farewell, I was more prepared for it. I know I won't be coming back next summer (maybe, no guarantee hehe) but coming back as a third year student, I feel less homesick cause everything that occupies my mind is the stressful semester ahead! I live by deadlines, scary. 

Summer has been great! I spent most of my times with my family, and spent lesser time with Pan this year because of geographical factor but all the time spent with him was totally remarkable <3

When I wasn't in my parents' supervision, he took of me really well. I had fever one time, and he rushed me to the clinic, he was super duper caring about me and I am so lucky to have him by my side.

Thanks, Pan! You're such a great company!

And he's camera shy too